Naïve. Super Page 5

  I fax Kim and ask him about vacuum. Whether it’s something he’s clued up on. Whether he can explain to me what it is.

  He faxes me back saying that a vacuum is nothing. A void. Devoid of air, of everything. That’s what vacuum is.

  I had hoped it would be something more. But I suppose it’s enough. If it’s already nothing, there’s no reason to say it in a more complicated way.

  The bright side of the fax is that Kim knows how a vacuum is created. He has done it a few times, on rainy days, he says.

  I am to take a jam jar and fill it half-full of water and put it in my brother’s microwave with the lid off. And leave it there until the water boils. Then I have to take it out and put the lid on. That’s when something will transpire with the pressure inside the jar and I will find myself with a vacuum in my hands. There’s nothing to it.

  I open the refrigerator and find a jar of blueberry jam with the expiry date less than a month away. I pour the contents in the loo and clean the jar with soap and hot water. Then I fill it half-full of water and put it in the microwave. I set it to Max and let it rip. Now it’s boiling.

  I remove the glass and wait for a few seconds until the steam has died down. Then I put the lid on. I have created a vacuum.

  In a way it’s a bit of an anti-climax. There’s nothing to look at, really. But I know that everything inside the jar that isn’t water is a vacuum. It is, strangely enough, quite a satisfying thought. I wonder what I’ll use it for. Light passes through the jar all the time.

  I’ve read that light is particles. Photons. And now they’re passing through the jar. Faster than the photons outside the jar.

  To add an edge to the proceedings, I take the jar into the bathroom and switch the light off. Then I switch on my bicycle lamp and hold it up to the jar. Silence.

  There’s nothing to suggest that something in my brother’s bathroom is moving at almost 300,000 kilometres per second. It is a totally undramatic situation, but I am still gripped by a kind of momentousness.

  My brother’s bathroom is smaller than 300,000 kilometres. It’s much smaller. I can’t figure out what happens to the photons. I don’t know whether they stop against the wall or whether they are thrown back. The only thing I know is that they don’t disappear. Paul writes that nothing disappears.

  We remain there in the bathroom for quite a while. The vacuum, the photons and I. It’s gripping.

  After a while I switch off the bicycle lamp and leave the bathroom. I put the vacuum jar on the windowsill. It can stand there and let the lucky photons that hit it get a surprise. I feel good. Similar to the feeling I get when I feed the little birds, or give money to someone who has less than I do. Then I sit down with the hammer-and-peg and hammer until the Evening News.

  The Bird

  Here is another story. This one is also about a good world. It took place before I was born.

  My brother and my parents were on holiday in Denmark. They had rented a cottage at the beach. I don’t know how old my brother was that summer, but I think he was quite young. Maybe seven years old. He just ran around, swam in the sea and threw sticks and other things into the water. He must have been having a good time.

  One day he found a bird that had hurt itself. I think it was a baby seagull. It just lay there. It couldn’t fly. My brother had no experience of sickness and death. He just felt sorry for the bird. He felt sad about it lying there, sick and all alone. He wanted it to be well again, and fly off to its family and be happy and do the things baby seagulls usually do.

  My brother took care of the bird. He carefully carried it home to the cottage and put it in a box lined with cotton. He gave it food and water and talked to it.

  The bird was the first thing my brother thought about when he woke up in the morning, and the last thing he thought about before he went to sleep.

  In the morning he would run outside and see how the bird was doing, and at night he would say goodnight to it and gently stroke its wing.

  My brother began to love the bird. It became important to him that it would get well. My parents also hoped it would get well. They could see how much feeling my brother was investing in the bird. They were afraid he would be sad if it died.

  My brother thought the bird was getting better by the day. He figured he could see it. He kept thinking it would get well anytime, and that it would fly back to freedom. But it didn’t turn out that way.

  One morning, while my brother was still asleep, Dad found the bird dead. He buried it a distance from the cottage. When my brother awoke, Dad said the bird had got well and had flown away. He said my brother had cared for it so well and been so good to it that it had got well again.

  Neither Mum nor Dad had the heart to say that the bird was dead. Maybe they thought my brother would experience painful things soon enough. They wanted to protect him while they could. My brother had done everything in his power to save the bird. And now he was told that it had flown away. He was happy. It was good to think that the bird was out there somewhere. In good health. And that he had helped it. The only thing he felt a little bit bad about was that he didn’t get to say goodbye.

  My brother must have had a feeling that the world was good. That it was possible to do something, and that things sometimes didn’t get worse, but better. My brother still believes the baby seagull got well. Nobody has ever told him what really happened.

  The Girl

  It’s early morning and the doorbell is ringing. I’m putting the hammer-and-peg aside to open the door. Børre is outside, with a man who I guess is the dad. I’m surprised, but I ask them in. The dad introduces himself and we shake hands. I can see Børre has been crying. The dad is a bit ill at ease. He asks me if I’m redecorating the apartment.

  I say no and ask him what made him think I was.

  He heard someone knocking something, he says.

  I tell him the way it is, that I use the occasional spare moment to knock a little. All by myself. Sort of. And I show them the hammer-and-peg. Børre’s dad nods. He doesn’t quite know what to believe.

  The story is that the family are driving to Hamar to visit Børre’s sick grandmother, but Børre is refusing to come along. He thinks it is so sad. So now they don’t know what to do. Børre has been very difficult. He has been crying for quite a while. That’s why his dad came to think of me. Børre has been talking a lot about me. And about my bike.

  He knows very well that it’s a lot to ask, but still, if I have the time. It would be such a great help. It’s kind of a desperate situation. Grandma will be so sorry if they don’t come. I ask

  Børre if he wants to spend time with me.

  He nods his head, swallowing.

  I say it’s perfectly all right. That I didn’t have a single plan for the day anyway.

  The dad’s very grateful. They’ll be away overnight, but will return the next day.

  I am given the keys to Børre’s apartment and instructions for when Børre is supposed to sleep and when he’s supposed to eat.

  The dad repeats that he is grateful.

  I tell him to think nothing of it, and then I ask him what it was like to see a polar bear.

  He says it was stupendous. It’s an extreme animal. Very big.

  Then Børre’s mum and dad and little sister leave for Hamar. We go down into the courtyard to wave them off. And now it’s Børre and I. We had better come up with something to do. Preferably something fun.

  While I have breakfast, Børre is sitting by my brother’s desk drawing. He’s drawing a racing car. I tell him he may borrow the hammer-and-peg, but Børre would rather draw. He spends a long time on the racing car. In the end he colours it in.

  When Børre has finished the drawing, a fax comes through from my brother. Børre thinks it’s wonderful. A mystery. He doesn’t understand how it’s possible. A sheet of text coming straight into the room. He wants to know where it’s coming from. I tell him I think it’s from Africa.

  Børre is asking if he can have the sheet.


  I’m just going to read it, then he can have it, I tell him.

  I’m reading the fax from my brother now. It sorts out a misunderstanding. It becomes clear that he’s not in Africa, but in America. I must have mixed the two continents up. Both of them begin and end with A. And they’re both far away. In a way it disappoints me.

  Africa is a lot more exotic than America. To have a brother in Africa is exciting. It’s a little like having money in the bank. You never know quite how much it has become when you go to withdraw it again. A brother in America is far less spectacular. Everybody has a family member in America at some stage.

  I understand my brother has sold something over there. He has made good money and now he wants to ask me a favour. It’s something about the dollar being very favourable against the Norwegian krone right now. Very favourable. My brother is asking me to buy a car for him. He will be needing a car the minute he gets home. It would be good if all the formalities concerning purchase and registration have been taken care of. He’s asking me to buy a car.

  I have to fax him my account number immediately, then he’ll transfer enough money to pay for a car. I write my account number on the back of Børre’s racing car drawing. I also jot down a few questions regarding the car. What kind of car does he want? What colour? Does he want it to come with an airbag? Then I fax the sheet to America.

  A few minutes later the racing car drawing comes back out of the fax machine, in black and white. Børre is ecstatic. Now he’s got two racing car drawings in his hand. An original and a second-generation fax copy.

  My brother has written; What’s this? And where’s the account number? across the drawing.

  I turn the sheet with the racing car drawing over and fax the account number and the questions again.

  My brother replies, saying he’ll trust my judgement when it comes to the make of the car. But it has to be a cool car. A status symbol. It must have a fresh and sporty air about it. And the colour must be red or green. Maybe something like olive. And with an airbag.

  Børre thinks it’s great that I’m going to buy a car. He thinks I ought to buy a racing car.

  It is a big assignment my brother’s given me. I am flattered. I have never bought a car before.

  Børre wants us to fax the racing car drawing to his grandmother. I tell him very few grandmothers have fax machines, but that we’ll mail it to her if he’s got the address. Børre figures we might just as well leave it if we can’t fax.

  We go out to look at cars. Børre and I. First we look at the cars in the street. We look through the windows and check how high the speedometers go. To Børre, that’s the only thing that matters. He spots a BMW with a speedometer that goes to 280. He thinks I should buy that one.

  We go to a Volvo dealership and test-sit a few Volvos. The dealer thinks Børre is my son. He treats me like a potential customer, showing us around and explaining technical things. Telling me Volvo put great emphasis on safety. Børre checks the speedometer. It barely passes 200. He shakes his head.

  Børre, I tell him, 200 kilometres per hour is more than you think.

  Now we’re test-driving the Volvo on the E18. Børre is clapping his hands. He is sitting in a kiddies’ seat we’ve been lent by the dealer.

  Are we doing 200 now? he asks.

  Almost, I say.

  It’s a nice car. And green. When I get home I’ll fax my brother and tell him it has good road holding, whatever that means.

  I come off the motorway and drive back towards town via a country road. It feels good to use the steering wheel a little. We stop at a shop to buy some ice cream. While we are eating, I read the notices posted by the entrance. Advertisements about bingo and riding lessons. But there’s another note. A nice note. Something for Børre. I read it to him.

  Hi, my name’s Jessica. I am wondering if there’s someone who’d like to buy some of this stuff, because I’ve got some things in my room that I’m not using.

  The things are:

  – Shampoo, henna, around 10 cm long bottle, price: 10 kroner.

  – Body lotion, melon, around 8 cm long bottle, price: 5 kroner.

  – Twin trolls with long, white hair and key rings, one has a star on the tummy: 5 kroner for both.

  – Stamp kit with packaging and flower: 10 kroner for both.

  – White pearl ear studs, unused: 10 kroner.

  – Brooch, unused: 5 kroner.

  – Power Rangers pictures in a box, around 10 cm long, full of pictures: 20 kroner.

  – Piggy bank with Sam the Duck on it: 5 kroner.

  – Kinder Surprise figures, 3 lions (2 of the same), a frog, a turtle: all for 10 kroner.

  – Cheerfully coloured coil spring. Flexible and pliable. Can walk stairs: 10 kroner.

  – An elephant which is a toothpick box of porcelain: 10 kroner.

  If you’re interested, call and ask Jessica at phone number …

  Børre is interested. Not in the girlie things, but in the Power Rangers pictures and maybe some of the other things. He doesn’t quite know. He has to see the stuff first.

  We walk over to a telephone booth to call. It’s Børre who is doing the talking. I can hear him ask if Jessica is home. When somebody at the other end of the line wants to know who’s asking, Børre says it is he who’s calling. Børre.

  Jessica and he talk for quite a while. Børre says yes a few times and Power Rangers a few times. Then he gets the address and hangs up.

  The pearl ear studs and the brooch are sold, but none of the other things.

  Børre’s on fire.

  Jessica meets us on the doorstep. She is about twelve and wears her hair in a pigtail. Her parents are also home. And an older sister who looks a little like the one who drove a car and sang in the music video I saw on my brother’s TV. She looks my age.

  We shake hands with everybody.

  Jessica’s father is quite taken with the Volvo. He can tell it’s the latest model.

  Børre and Jessica disappear into Jessica’s room.

  I get invited for coffee and cookies.

  The parents think it’s a little embarrassing that Jessica has put the note up in the store. They are worried people might think they are short of money and that Jessica isn’t getting an allowance. They explain that it is not the case. They are no worse off than other people, they say.

  When Jessica’s mother is about to pour me coffee, I have to say I don’t drink coffee. She asks me what I’d like instead, and I tell her water or soda is perfectly fine. Or squash. She disappears into the kitchen.

  Jessica’s father comments that it’s unusual not to drink coffee. He is right, of course. I have this discussion every time someone discovers that I don’t drink coffee. I explain that I don’t disregard the fact that I some day might start drinking coffee, but that I so far haven’t taken to it. I have actually never drunk it. I’ve had coffee in my mouth, but never swallowed. Now Jessica’s mother is returning with a glass of orange squash.

  Jessica’s father is talking about cars. He has a Volvo himself, he says. And there’s that thing about Volvo that if you’ve ever had one, trying other cars is out of the question. He came close to buying a Japanese car once, but abandoned the idea. The car didn’t really have anything going for it. Volvo, however. Now there’s a car. Safety. It’s like a good friend. No nonsense, ever. And he puts down his coffee cup to make a hand gesture that seems to mean: full speed, forever. And sunshiny days.

  While he is talking, I sit looking towards Jessica’s older sister, Lise. She is looking indulgently at her father. She is pretty.

  I tell her father that I agree. Volvo is good. Then I ask Lise what she does for a living.

  She’s trying to become a photographer, she says. She takes pictures for a couple of women’s magazines. But she’d prefer to take her own pictures.

  I tell her I also photograph occasionally. I have a camera, I tell her. Nikon.

  Nikon’s the best, says the father.

  Nikon’s good, sa
ys Lise.

  Børre and Jessica are emerging from Jessica’s room. Børre is carrying a box of Power Rangers pictures, a bottle of Henna shampoo and a piggy bank shaped like a duck. He’s grinning from ear to ear, and asks me for 35 kroner.

  When we’re about to leave, Jessica’s mother asks if we wouldn’t like to stay for supper. It won’t be long now. I feel it would be going too far, and besides I have to return the car. I decline politely, telling her that we unfortunately have an appointment. We thank them for their hospitality and for the sale, and Jessica and her family wave us off.

  As I put the car into second gear, I look at Lise one last time. In the rear-view mirror. It’s been a long while since I’ve looked at a girl and thought that she’s the kind I’d like to see more often, maybe as often as every day. But I am thinking it now. She ought to be sitting beside me, in the passenger seat, wearing a red sweater. And we ought to drive here and there. Together. I think everything will be a lot better when I get a girlfriend. It’s a terribly immature thought. But I am still likely to hope it might be true. I would in any case not exclude it.

  Børre is happy with his day. I have given him a coin that he has deposited into his piggy bank. When I ask him what he is going to do with a bottle of Henna shampoo, he says he is going to give it to his mum. I can see he’s looking forward to it.

  Outer Space

  Børre is sleeping now. He was very tired. We were playing with his electric racing car track until long after he was supposed to be in bed. I let him win. And then we played a word game where you had to say the first word you could think of. Quickly. I had hoped it would be like I’d say sun, for example, and Børre summer, but it soon fell apart. Børre kept saying poo. No matter what I said, he’d say poo. And then he laughed a lot. But now he’s sleeping.

  I went over to my brother’s flat and sent a fax to America. I wrote Volvo – full speed, forever. And sunshiny days.